I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
