I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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