I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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