Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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