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Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
try to milk me bitch
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
