An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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