you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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