Can i not drive my cunt home
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
