Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
