im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
