My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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