Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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