How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
