so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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