left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
