You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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