just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
