Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
