I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
