wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
