You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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