our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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