I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hippo gnu deer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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