as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
