Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize