I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize