Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
