cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
