his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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