Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
