yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
