I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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