i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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