She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
