Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
