i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
