Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
