Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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