So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
