I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
