He is such a slut. More and more my type.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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