I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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