3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
