even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
