This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
