there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
