Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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