i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
