chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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