girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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