Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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