census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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