Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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