If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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