i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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