Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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