She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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