I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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