i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
